How to recuperate the sensitivity in men?
In my practice, working with men and women both separately and as a couple, I have observed that men have more difficulty in awakening their sensitivity. By digging deeply into the contained emotions, it is clear that the male gender has more resistance because of its muscular, emotional armour.
A RIGID EDUCATION IS IN PLACE IN THE FAMILY AND SOCIAL SPHERES, WHERE EMOTIONS DO NOT HAVE A PLACE FOR MEN. THIS IS OBSERVABLE IN THE COMMONLY UTTERED PHRASES SUCH AS, “BOYS DON’T CRY” AND “BOYS ARE STRONG“.
From this social constructionism, character attitudes of tension are created both at a muscular and energetic level, which in the end represses sensitivity. These internal rigidities and tensions over time can create all kind of health issues such as psychosomatic illnesses, stress, tendencies to fall into addictive behaviours and neurotic ways of thinking, etc…
The author Brené Brown in her 10-year research on human connection talks about “the power of vulnerability” in a TED talk. She emphasizes how important it is to recover this sensitivity that every human being has inside. Recovering vulnerability reopens the doors to a whole new world of inner qualities such as calmness and peace, joy and well-being, a greater capacity of listening to oneself and our surroundings and being more in touch with ones intrinsic nature of happiness that all human beings care deep inside their psyche. However, due to certain difficult or traumatic moments in life or rigid and demanding education, we have lost these powers.
When I speak to people and see that they are not well emotionally, most of the time I hear from them that everything is fine. Many people are out of touch of what’s going on inside of them. However, the real indicator of seeing if someone is emotional and spiritually healthy is to see how deeply they can connect with other people, not react emotionally, and to what extent they can open emotionally.
It is not easy to recover this vulnerability because it reconnects us with difficult moments in which emotions and wounds have been recorded in our psyche and body, mainly in our childhood and adolescence or in times of loss or mourning. This generates pain and suffering.
At the same time, by reconnecting to the stored ‘un- and subconscious’ pain, a whole healing process is ignited which is essential to recover this vulnerability and emotional health. Step by step, men recover a greater sense of embodiment which then also provides greater intimate sexuality in them and with their partner. In addition, the person will notice a new way of being more authentic and will feel more ‘focused” to achieve their purpose in life. This new learning and the integral healing process will help men to become more confident, raise their self-esteem, become a better listener to himself and in their relationship and so forth…
How to get to this opening?
I offer individualized work for men online and/or in person. During our work, and across a period of time, they recover their sensitivity and vulnerability, hence facilitating their empowerment. It is an adventurous journey to rediscover oneself and I have gone through it the last 15 years and many other great therapists have as well.
There are many authors who speak of the importance of this awareness of being sensitive and open, such as Fina Sanz, who has developed an approach to reach it, both for women and for men. In her book “feminine and masculine psycho-erotism” she covers these issues of self-awareness. Another author would be Mantak Chia. In his book “The Multiorgasmic Man“, he presents a model to help men have a greater degree and enjoyment of his sexual energy and encounters.
To conclude, in my experience of having overcome my personal armours and those of many of my clients, a process of maturation and an overall state of wellbeing is reached, hence contributing healthy, intimate and satisfactory sexuality and a joyful lifestyle. I invite you to this inner work which will ignite a whole new healing process where you discover many beautiful parts and more authentic parts of your true being. It is time to wake up….
Alex Kroll, Sexologist and Therapist