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Sex Education: Sexuality and Personality

Hello, as I promised this week we will give below our series of “Sex Education: talking about sex naturally“, in my first post I spoke about the book of the great sexologist Sylvia Béjar, “The sex is yours“.
For this week I’m going to talk about the author Fina Sanz in one of her books that caught my attention that is female and male psychoerotism, where the author talks about the relationship between the body, sexuality and spirituality with a humanistic approach integrating being at the Holistic level.

1-Female and male Psychoerotism

Author: Fina Sanz
Editorial: Kairos 

The reason why I chose this author is because I read some of her articles and I found her teaching style to be very interesting. Fina Sanz has a multidisciplinary training with a humanistic approach that fuses Eastern and Western knowledge offering not only a theory but, through her own research, a practical methodology. In addition, she has created her own method, Reencounter Therapy (TR) in which she opens a new perspective on health, with the integration of several dimensions: body, emotional, mental, sexual, spiritual and social. And, above all, this book is written from a feminist perspective where it introduces a new paradigm for all of us to recover feminine values, both men and women.

The point of departure of this author is to focus the other side of the coin that it is not so much the sexual pathology or diseases, but part of the pleasure and health that gives us sexuality. This retakes the importance of uniting body and spirit or “mind” that for so long has been denied by the Judeo-Christian tradition and consequently the pleasure has had a connotation of fear, guilt or punishment in our culture. The author invites us to contemplate and develop the role of pleasure again to build a new identity based on wellbeing and the enjoyment of one’s own body-mind, to feel and learn from their emotions and wisdom.

2- Personality and Sexuality

Fina Sanz develops the concept that the human being builds their personality from their sexuality; In addition, educational, family, social and media influences are presented and play an important role throughout life, to mention a few. And from there emerges behavior, beliefs, values, attitudes, emotional reactions or sentimental stability as a form of expression of the individual. Fina Sanz offers with her work the revision of these models of behavior, or cosmovisions, because the human being has the capacity to understand other value systems and therefore change them. And we can affirm that sexuality has the energy, the strength and the creativity to achieve these changes.

The main idea that transmits through the text is the openness towards the globality of the body, its sensations, its pleasures, eroticism and gender in front of the old social introjection that focuses on genitality and that still continues in practice in patriarchy in our society. On the one hand, men have been educated in their genitality that is associated with masculine power, that is, a competitive, aggressive and dominant attitude; not to cry and not to express their emotions.

On the other hand, according to this author, women have received a different, more global education with respect to the senses than men and from there a “female subculture” has been built, to which our society does not grant much space for healthy growth, neither for the woman, but neither for the man. However, through sexual education that includes “body awareness” and “self-sensitization“, man has the ability to recover that globality, which is so lacking. In the Taoist sexual tradition, from its origin, those teachings of emotional and corporal globality that each human being has intrinsically and that favor personal, social and sexual health and development, were educated.

3- Masculine vs Feminine

In relation to the above, the text deepens between the division of the masculine and the feminine and the possibility of uniting these two polarities through a more integral personal and sexual development. It is what the author calls “mothering”. This masculine / feminine separation begins from the earliest childhood. In general, almost all babies, whether boy or girl, are spoiled, caressed, kissed, welcomed in the same way. However, over the years these behaviors change: girls are taught different roles than boys. And to these roles different values ​​have been associated.

Children are educated in masculine values ​​such as strength, aggression, activity or speed. Faced with this, the feminine values ​​that girls receive are weakness, tenderness, passivity and slowness. As it shows this separation between genders, it is also reflected in the relationships between other cultures different from ours. For example, what happened and happens between the colonized countries and the colonizing countries. The first ones submit in general to the social norms that these invaders bring and their own identity is devalued.

Another example of this, which is rooted in our society, is the consequences that take place when exploring certain sexual adventures. There are different social responses according to gender; When someone has a lot of sexual relations a boy is called “macho”, meanwhile, girls are called terms like, “whore”. We could continue with multiple examples to see that differentiation between the masculine and feminine subculture. However, the writer offers us a new positive perspective to live sexuality from the “maternal”, that is, with the qualities of care and letting yourself be taken care of, feminine values ​​that also men can integrate to reach a biopsychosocial balance of being human.

On the other hand, the text introduces three key aspects: the individual, the relational and the social, which integrate an experience of the human being in its different expressions. Against the old social model that did not offer more options than being in a couple, the author places emphasis on recovering individual freedom through joy and sexuality so that the human being does not suffer so much from dependence within relationships as a couple and in the social field. In this way, as soon as the person recovers his own sexual self-esteem and individuality, he can adapt a different social and relational role.

In the traditional society with a hierarchical and patriarchal structure, there was a censorship of the free enjoyment of pleasure, where the social model only allowed a heterosexual and phallocentric relationship. But now there is more information and resources to get out of the experience of patriarchy towards a more humanistic way in which a healthy sexuality could be promoted in which each man and woman would be able to develop a greater self-esteem so that the bonds are more loving. Fina stresses the importance of integrating and educating these three aspects within the framework of sexuality.

4- Why have I chosen this book?

To begin with, I wanted to eroticize my life more in all senses, both in my personal and professional life. To be a good therapist in sexuality, I see it essential to know how to live the erotic part: on the one hand, the theory put forth by different authors and on the other hand the experience of wanting to recover my individual erotic part in all aspects to live a more pleasurable sexuality, and healthy and full life.

Fina presents some clinical cases in which I was struck by the parallelism between her professional work and my way of work therapeutically. The similarity that we have, to apply similar techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, body, relaxation and breathing, encourages me to know their work even more. For example, their body sensitization method “SC” and self-sensitization “AUT” help the individual to recover and promote their erotic growth and their corporal, sexual and personal autonomy. Fina also uses her hands to work with the client’s body, which is similar to my work. In this way, the patient perceives their bodily defenses, their shallow breathing, their hidden emotions, etc. This work with the hands is not considered a massage, rather it is a therapeutic accompaniment towards a more subtle perception in which fantasies, sensations, new experiences that offer the person a new perspective of self-value, can flourish little by little. Fina calls it “positivization” or “autosensitization“. Likewise, in this wide range of exercises, tasks are proposed to prolong pleasure and control ejaculation, mostly taken from oriental Taoist and tantric sources. Once again we see the importance of studying other approaches to sexuality that provide a different view of our Judeo-Christian culture.

Thank you and see you next  Sex Friday/Sex Education.