you-sex-is-your

Sexuality: Speaking of sex naturally

Hello, some already know my work, and for others this is our first contact. For those who do not know me, my name is Alex Kroll. I have been working with an holistic therapy and sex therapy approach integrating the the physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual sides of the person over the last 10 years.

When I did the master of sexuality and couple therapy  I was able to emerge in the world of multiple writers on sexuality, gender, family, healing, tantra, etc. I read many books related to sexuality both OF the Eastern and Western world. And I think that knowledge is something we should always share with others.

Due to this, the idea was born: Sexy Friday, as a way to expose my opinion about books of great authors/sexologists an educational form that can be read by both adults and adolescents who are in the discovery phase.

I recommend these readings and hope that you can read with interest and integrate their teachings in his life. No doubt, your sexual life will change forever …

I think I’ve already said too much. (Hehe) Let’s start. The first book of our season Sexual Education is:

 Your Sex is Yours

Author: Sylvia Béjar
Publisher: Planeta

I have known this book, Your sex is yours, Sylvia Béjar, through their website. It is a transparent and clear page on the subject of sexuality that leads individuals to actively participate in their blog and Facebook in a natural way. Sylvia Béjar is certainly an excellent writer and her language exudes a certain closeness to the public. But also with their studies in health and sexuality education, it provides a wide range of experiences on how women live their sexuality in today’s Spanish society. In addition, the text is written from a feminist perspective and invites us to reflect on the beliefs, norms and attitudes learned by women about their sexual experience in life.

This book begins with a critique of patriarchy and sexist culture in which we live today. This society not yet fully allow the needs of women and their greatest desires to be met. Furthermore, equality between men and women has yet to fully develop.

The text highlights the fact that women are beginning to be valued and respected more and take a more active role in their lives. This idea is reflected in the example of Lilit: that all women have the right to say NO to any situation whether in the sexual sphere or anywhere else that makes them feel uncomfortable, unhappy or less than.

The author gives an example of a comparison between the “Don Juan” and “easy girl” to reflect on the inequality in our society between the free behavior of men and women.

The woman has to endure much more critical and censorship in this regard.

Another important issue that develops within the text is that there is not a good sex education in this country. Grandparents, parents, church and society in general, transmit from childhood and especially to women, the message that masturbation or fondling in intimate areas is sin. Therefore, as a result of such messaging, individuals begins to live out their sexuality with shame instead of living fully with joy and pleasure.

The book invites readers to exploreself-pleasuring , ie masturbation to know one’s own body and pleasure and not depend so much on the other. In other words, that the pleasure of women does not depend on man. As the book says, referring to masturbation, “to the who extols its virtues”. There are thousands of ways to masturbate with couple and alone. The author proposes concepts and encourages us in that everyone can find their way to meet and take pleasure.

However, neither men nor women have received adequate sex education and it seems that by default, everyone should know how to make love. The text helps women understand that men also have their problems and sexual prejudices, for example, on penis length and thickness. From youth, in the male world there is competition: who endures sexual intercourse for longer and who has a longer penis. It’s a constant demand to be strong and be always ready with a big dick. Under this pressure and upbringing, men have lost their overall sensitivity of the body. From there, the sexuality in men has developed one that is phallogocentric and that leaves emotional and cognitive injuries in the men’s world, against female sexuality that spends more time petting.

Another important point that develops the text is the lack of self-esteem in women. Through her own experience in the world of women, Sylvia presents her ideas to regain self-esteem. She also presents suggestions from other professionals such as psychologists and sex therapists who have helped women on this topic. However, it is a complex issue both individually and socially. Fashion, magazines, the media sell us a lifestyle in which both women and men learn that they need a good body and a great attitude. And in this constant manipulation of images and slogans of which we are exposed, women take the same shapes and beliefs into their lives. This is a starting point to become aware of and it is important to understand these preconceived ideas.

With this know-how, women can begin to take more care of themselves, ie to take more time to see what they need, what kind people they really prefer, to make peace with one’s body, laugh more, improve communication … this book provides a comprehensive list on how to work and regain self-esteem and ultimately to be more in tune with one’s self.

The author emphasizes the improvement of communication between people and couples. To begin with, the text discusses exploring one’s body, skin and different erogenous zones such as the male and female genitals to increase pleasure, joy, sensitivity and to explore also the natural desires and inhibited as well. Sex is not just intercourse and preliminaries, there is a wide range of practices to make love and multiple ways to reach orgasm. Sometimes, just to touch the breast, clitoris or testicles can reach the climax both in women and men. Readers are also invited to explore the entire anal area because of the extreme sensitivity of that part. In short, it is time to relax, be open to new ways of being together, share new sexual games or the thousand and one possibilities offered by the world of sexuality.

Silvia doesn’t communicate in a way which is demanding. She comes from a place to be more sincere and to find a better communicating style. She also encourages her readers to enjoy all sensitive moments as joyous for one’s self and/or with one’s companion. In short, the author repeats the importance of openness to experiment, to try, to learn, etc … because each person is unique in their experience of feeling pleasure.

The language of the text provides an easy read for anyone, but at the moment only the Spanish version is available. The author communicates in an intimate and personable way, with humor and in a simple format. Sometimes the author even expresses herself with anger when commenting on the undervaluing of women, their desires, their complexities or needs. However, this emotional criticism and humor enrich the book and, therefore make it more interesting. You could say that the sexual experience that the author has had throughout her life is perceived. As for the structure of the book, it offers a whole questionnaire which is very comprehensive, “365 + 1 suggestions” for inspiration, sexual anatomy female and male, how to raise awareness of the genital area, suggestions and graphics positions “sex alone “and” sex in company “….

And finally, the author’s thesis is that the mind is the most powerful sexual organ. I draw much attention to this for its accuracy. In my own personal development, I’ve gone through different phases of anxiety, shame, guilt, and disgust in relation to sexuality in my life. I healed all these problems through meditation based therapy I.S.T. techniques and with mindfulness and psychosomatic therapy.

From this lived firsthand experience, I too understand that the mind is a powerful and a complex beautiful universe. In the same way that a baby tries for several days or weeks to get up to walk on his own, Sylvia transmits to the reader the ability we all have to improve our communication skills and our sexuality to a progressive place individually and as a couple. And the same book says: “Sex is yours.” Go get it.

Sexy Friday/ Sex Education! 🙂

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